"Anything pink" she said. Bugger it, the Barbie ones were sold out. Pink, pink, pink - Disney princess - but that's white chocolate - sod it. I had two Bob the Builders, one Action Man, one football one, Becky's was easy - a Harry Potter, but the one bloody elusive pink one for my niece……

Woolworths has a wall of them - big brand name "Roses" and "Quality Street", "Yorkie" ad nauseum, but the real "action" was around the children's character eggs. Easter for toddlers is easy - my two-year old is pretty happy with anything she can remotely associate with the telly, but the bigger kids…well, they get a bit fussy. It's a ludicrous thought but what you get on your Easter egg defines you as a person. Kid into wizards and witches, etc - Harry Potter. Fighting and being tough - Action Man. Kissing and cuddling - Cinderella. Boy or girl you don't know that well - the latest Disney egg (erm, Jungle Book 2). Where are the great marketing consultants when you need them? Friends of mine are liberals, live in Islington and have no kids. I want to buy them a Mandela egg. Becky's granddad is an old Tory - why shouldn't he have a Maggie egg? You could have a George Bush egg that has a little Tony Blair egg inside it. The Christian Bookshop here in Tunbridge Wells should sell Jesus' eggs - strapline "the Original".

But then I spotted it - a Barbie double egg on the wrong shelf. The Maltesers shelf. A blonde-haired, pointy-nosed woman was veering towards it, her hand outstretched, reaching. I am not proud of what I did, nor do I condone wanton, needless violence in whatever form, but….I hit her. Well, I nudged her strongly (m'lud). "I'm sorry - I left this here earlier", I lied. "That's ok" she said, "I wasn't sure anyway - my little Tommy loves Barbie you see and, ….it's a bit embarrassing, you know".

I do love happy endings, don't you?