I was fascinated to read Perry Stalsis' piece on the Full English Breakfast, not simply because I agreed with most of it, but also because, in a previous life, Mr Middleton and I ran a B&B. After we sold up and chucked our fine collection of frying pans away, I actually wrote a book about it, and devoted a whole chapter to Breakfast. So although it is decades since I ate one myself, the Full English is something on which I can speak with some authority.
Perry is quite right - it's a myth that people anywhere eat a FEB every day - at home. However, I am here to tell you that a lot of men do eat one every week day, and - if they live the conjugal life - their wives and partners often know nothing about it. It's like the Pork Pie Mystery. Have you heard about that? Apparently pork pies sell really well in supermarkets, yet market research reveals that they rarely appear on the till roll for the weekly big shop. They are sold mostly at the five items or fewer checkout. To men. Men on their own, apparently on their way home from work. They eat them in the car on the way home and dispose of the cellophane evidence before anyone else gets a glimpse.

In the very early hours of a winter weekday, when you need the lights on, there's a kind of confidential intimacy in serving breakfast to one person. Everyone else in the house is asleep, so you have to talk quietly. Almost every man on his own, away from home, about to start a long, unfriendly day wanted a Full English Breakfast. Very often they revealed that their wives believed that they only ate muesli, toast and fruit for breakfast. Sometimes they came back for the weekend with their wives, and begged us beforehand not to mention their normal weekday FEB. I'm sure nutritional cheating is at least as widespread as the other kind. I think high fat and salt treats like pork pies and FEBs could be to men what chocolate is to women, and while I'm rarely tempted myself, I'm sympathetic. I have my own weaknesses. No, I'm not telling you!

I also agree that a portion of complex carbohydrate no bigger than the size of your fist is the best breakfast, and least likely to give you any kind of trouble, be it muesli, bread, porridge or last night's potatoes. My only (very pedantic, I know) disagreement is that even Mother's Pride is -technically, anyway - bread and therefore a complex carb; it's all the sugars which are simple.

Far too often when we stay at British B&Bs ourselves, we are offered no choice of breakfast at all, the traditional fry up is simply plonked in front of us, usually reasonable, occasionally vile or wonderful. When we started our own B&B we were determined to offer a choice of breakfast, as well as unlimited fruit juice, tea and coffee, cereal, toast and yoghurt. Our menu included Scrambled Eggs, Mushrooms, Kippers, Vegetarian Fried Breakfast and - er, Baked Beans. Say what you like about the humble baked bean - children love them and they certainly sort out the fibre question. However, about 70% of guests - business travellers, tourists, everyone - wanted the FEB. We asked people the night before what they would like for breakfast, and what time they would like it, so that we could start cooking everything but the egg before they came downstairs. This led to crisp bacon, well done sausage, and an egg done just right, turned over if requested.

Initially our FEB eschewed sausages - we never touch them ourselves - who knows what's in them? Instead we served kidneys, but nobody ever ate them. People asked for sausages instead, so that's what they got. We had kedgeree on the menu for the first few weeks, but no takers. Although most people were enthusiastic about our breakfasts, we did get a few complaints. One woman disliked the cafetiere of coffee - wanted 'real' coffee - meaning instant. Americans said "Porridge - that's like oatmeal - right?" but they never ate more than a spoonful. We tried cooking it every way we could, and most Brits loved it, but I don't think we never got it right for Americans.

I agree that most FEBs are eaten in hotels, bed-and-breakfast establishments or on trains, but for the truly vile breakfast Perry describes, you need to visit the breakfast buffet of a large British hotel, or any Trust House Forte or Little Chef. B&Bs cannot afford the time or money to cook food which isn't going to be eaten, so you're more likely to get it freshly cooked to order. I'm not saying it will be good, but it shouldn't have spent an hour languishing on a hotplate at a bacteria-friendly temperature, being poked about by passing trade.

I also agree about the individual sachets. Everyone hates them, and we were determined not to have them at our B&B. We put out small blocks of butter on a dish. With a butter knife. And of course all our guests used the butter knife to cut a piece of butter - oh of course they didn't. Either they ignored it completely and used their eggy knife, or they used it to butter their toast, and encrusted the whole block with crumbs. Either way, we were chucking butter away all the time. Same with the sugar bowl: stir your tea with the sugar spoon, put the spoon back in the sugar, take another spoonful and make lots of crunchy brown drips in the sugar. We always had a jug of fresh milk and never went in for sugar sachets, but we did weaken over the butter. Well, what would you have done?

Regarding carelessness - the law says that every establishment serving food to the public in Britain must have at least one member of staff who has a Basic Food Hygiene Certificate, and the certificate should be on public view. I completed the course and got mine in June 1995 - it's now hanging in my kitchen in a nice gold frame. No doubt there are still kitchens playing bacterial roulette, but I suspect most places find it simpler in the long run to cook food properly. Perhaps not skilfully, perhaps not deliciously, but safely, anyway.

Yes, the FEB is overrated and rarely as good as you think it is going to be. The trouble is, it is almost impossible in Britain to offer breakfast to the public without it. The tourists want it because they believe it to be traditional and it provides enough ballast so they don't have to stop for lunch. And business travellers on their own - especially men - seem to rely on it emotionally. While Perry and I, and millions of others never touch it - you can't get round the fact that millions of FEBs are sold every morning.

DM July 2002