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The Battle Axes, Butterfly Lane, Elstree, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire WD6 3AD

The Battle Axes, Butterfly Lane, Elstree, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire  WD6 3AD

Butterfly Lane, Elstree, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire WD6 3AD

020 8953 1049

About 20 family members assembled for a pub lunch at the Battle Axes on Good Friday. The food was OK, but very overpriced for what it was. Sirloin Steak, one grilled mushroom, two deep fried onion rings from a frozen catering pack, half a tomato and chips – almost £14. Service was sweet but slow and wrong: my crab soup was announced as “red pepper soup” and placed before L, while his red pepper soup was announced as “crab” and given to me. You could tell what they were by the colour and smell, but the staff’s English wasn’t up to it. There was quite a lot of this. The décor is shabby: the garlands of dried flowers overhead had been there for a few years, had turned to dust and doubtless been commandeered for insect overspill housing – so you have to keep an eye on any food directly below it, in case of falling bodies.

Maybe we should have expected to pick up a few duelling scars at a place called Battle Axes, but it was when the iron chandelier fell on my head that my tolerance for incompetent Olde Worlde Charme began to wear thin. The clang of iron on bone got the attention of the entire room. We then all watched in fascination as it slowly descended to the table. Evidently the chain had snapped, leaving only the electric cable to fix this great piece of faux gothic ironware to the ceiling. My head had broken its fall, but it continued down to the table, where it rested on what had been Melissa’s plate. Fortunately, she and her six month old daughter Arabella, had gone table hopping, and I had taken her seat.

The manager, Mandy, took my name and address and said the company (The Spirit Group) would be in touch. She said they would want to see a doctor’s report ! I had a nasty bump and graze on my head, and a headache, but am hardly likely to seek medical attention on Good Friday. However, I have photographs and loads of witnesses, and I’ll wait to see what The Spirit Company has to say and let you know.

Meanwhile, it was an ordinary, bog standard meal, with all the food about twice the price it should be. I’ll never go there again, and if you do – keep your crash helmet on.

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